Nostalgia Everywhere
A vivid memory is one that enraptures you with the sights, sounds, smells of that exact instance that occurred in your life years before. This is my 13th birthday. I rarely had people over because I was embarrassed of my “small” house. We had a huge unfinished basement that was cold, stark, gray, and full of all the creepy noises an older home holds, yet still, I somehow convinced five or so close friends to come for a sleepover in that very basement for my birthday. I don’t think there was even a couch, but there was a small TV, a computer so we could burn CDs, and six bottles of O’Douls because we were teenagers, but moderately responsible ones. At least at that point we still were.
There were a few decorations and lots of snacks and I only recall having a good time, which was mostly brought on by me receiving the perfect gift: the *NSYNC “No Strings Attached” album. We all already knew all the words to the singles, but by the end of that all nighter, my life was changed forever. Track 12 also known as the white boys rapping track would remain my go to Karaoke years from that day forward. Eminem did not convince me that white boys could rap; JC and Justin did.
They gave me hope. Hope that I too could rap, but more then that, that I could potentially marry a pop star. I know, I know. Most people do not listen to an album from pop stars and immediately think “this so and so will be my husband/wife/financial support someday.” But ask anyone, I was not (and still am not) most people. I truly believed I would marry Justin Timberlake. Shortly after the album came out, I was over at a friends where we were watching Justin and the other guys. My eyes were only for Justin so I remember what he said and was wearing, but I remember nothing about a single class in middle school, so its fine, I am fine. They were being interviewed on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Justin told this joke about butter. I had been telling that same joke for years so everyone looked at me and I legit thought this was a sign confirming this man, this international pop star, was my future husband.
*NSYNC was coming to my hometown of Indianapolis, Indiana, so someone’s parents bought us tickets at an actual ticket office where they handed them paper tickets and we guarded those tickets with our lives until the night of the show. We bought white tank tops. Mine was too small; I was unaware that I was about two sizes larger then the rest of my friends and I lived in that wonderful body dysmorphia for the next fee years. We used fabric paint to write one letter of our favorite group to wear to the show. We rolled on our Bath & Body glitter and slathered our lips with clear MAC Lipglass. We sat in lettered order of our homemade tanks and matching tight black pants. A too generous parent dropped us off downtown at the arena and we made our way to the nosebleed section to scream our little lungs out. In my mind, Justin would notice me at the top, ask me to come to stage, we would embrace, tell everyone our butter joke, and then ride off into the sunset (or stage lights) together forever. This October night in 2000 was burned in my teenager memory. The ticket stub and printed photos made my memory book. I still have the tank top. I have zero papers from high school and college, but I do have my *NSYNC concert memorabilia and thats all that matters.
We hold onto these nostalgic moments with the tightest grip because as we age we become more and more aware of the escape of time. The years add up and the memories stack in our minds like library books. We reference them amongst family and friends. If we become parents, we relay them to our children with catch phrases quoted straight from wholesome sitcoms. “When I was a kid…” blah blah blah. Nostalgia stains us. Smells, sounds, sights trigger it without warning. It is unavoidable and with it ushers in other feelings; feelings of grief, joy, regret, and reverence.
As the years have passed, the allure of a life with Justin has certainly faded, but the allure with teenage nativity and romance will always live in the pages of so many books in my mind.
